when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
