I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
