dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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