just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize