so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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