morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
