KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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