I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
