Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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