I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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