i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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