his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
