Your face is a jimmy john
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She announced her abortion via fbk
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
