oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
