a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My life is pants optional.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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