You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
