Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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