very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Even my vagina gasped.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
