I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
