Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Found your dick twin last night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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