i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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