then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Found the puke drawer
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
