The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Your cock deserves a montage
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
