Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
