this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
