why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
