I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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