in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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