that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
