They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
