Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
