Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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