I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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