Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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