it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
