whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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