i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
