I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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