it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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