i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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