i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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