Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
