Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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