I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
