Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize