In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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