Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
