woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
