Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
