The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
