If that was your dad, he is hot
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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