so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
