JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
