While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
