guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
