Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize