My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
pop tarts are not kleenex
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
