You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
