When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
