woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize