if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
