Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
then he tried to convert me to islam
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
