So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
