hell yes lets make some ravioli
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
