yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This is my gift to your gina
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
