It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
