the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am naked and annoyed.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
