just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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