if i died would you start the facebook group?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
