Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
